FLCL Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Part 9 Side Story ( Chapter 12 )
examine the supersonic bomber from all angles. « If only I had my camera! Then
I’d be in heaven! »
« If you had your camera, the guards would execute you as an enemy spy, » Haruko
pointed her finger like a gun barrel, at the bespectacled boy’s head. « Then you
would be in heaven. »
Kensuke missed the pink-haired girl’s warning. « Which one’s the test bed for
the Tu-166’s turboramjet? » he referred to the Soviet military designation for
Evangelion Unit 06, which the Tupolev Design Bureau was upgrading as a
counterpart to the B-3 Stormbringer.
Haruko answered, « The one at Komsomolsk-on-Amur, » hundreds of kilometers from
Vladivostok, where she currently played host to Kensuke.
« Then to Komsomolsk-on-Amur we go, » the bespectacled boy remembered why he was
here, « after I learn how to fly Unit 06! » The naval base had a Tu-166 flight
The pink-haired girl’s radio headset buzzed. « Say again? »
« Can I test fire a 9K79…? »
« Okay, Comrade Admiral. » With that, Haruko’s guitar arced towards the back of
Clang! « Ahhhh! » The bespectacled boy flew over the parked aircraft, ricocheted
off a ceiling designed to resist ‘bunker buster’ munitions, slammed into the
floor, and fell unconscious.
N00B GENESIS EVANGELION, Part 9 Side Story
A ‘Neon Genesis Evangelion’ story by Sidewinder (firstname.lastname@example.org), 2010,
revised 2011. Characters created and owned by Gainax. Special thanks to Stas
Soviet Naval Infantry servicemen chatted as they approached a hardened aircraft
shelter. « What kind of name is Haruko? Kazakh? Kyrgyz? »
« It’s commonly given to Japanese girls, » said a Russian otaku– fan of Japanese
comics and animation.
« Should we arrest Comrade Raharuva as a Japanese spy, or…? »
« Comrade Raharuva is a space alien from ‘FLCL’, who has a Japanese name because
‘FLCL’ is set in Japan. When Comrade Sidewinder made her an Eva pilot, he made
her an officer in the Soviet Navy; you can trust her as well as any Soviet
‘As well as an American politician,’ the others understood. « Comrade Sidewinder
is American, nyet? »
« Chinese-American. »
« Then why is Comrade Raharuva not American or Chinese? »
« For balance? He gave Units 03 and 04 to the US Air Force, and Unit 08 to the
The marines entered the shelter to see Haruko hammer Kensuke’s head, launching
the bespectacled boy over the bomber.
« Maybe I should try this on a main character, like Commander Ikari? » The
pink-haired girl noticed the marines, and smiled. « Greetings, comrades! » She
waved her right hand; blood dripped from the guitar in her left. « He’s all
yours, » she pointed at an unconscious Kensuke.
Sensing a question his comrades dared not ask, the otaku added, « Better to have
Comrade Raharuva in our service, than in another’s. »
The others heard an unspoken ‘Better to stand with her in battle, than to stand
against her– as target for a WMD.’ « I hope you’re right, » a marine prayed.
Kazuya began, « We were not informed Evangelion Unit 03 was transferred to the
« Unit 03 was allotted to America in 2010, the same time Unit 06 was allotted to
the Soviet people, and Unit 08 to China; those were the Soviet people,
Washington, and Beijing’s conditions for releasing funds to construct NERV’s
Evangelions, » the Soviet ambassador interrupted. « The Soviet people’s Eva was
stationed at NERV Headquarters, from September to November of this year, » before
it returned to Vladivostok. « The American Eva arrived in October; it remains
there. You are not American, not English, and not French; you have no excuse
for your fucking ignorance of the past three months’ events, to say nothing of a
five-fucking-year-old treaty. »
‘If the Defense Intelligence Headquarters’ Director is smart, he’ll commit
seppuku before I have him crucified.’ Kazuya began, « We withdrew all our
« After inflicting 15 to 20 casualties upon the Soviet marines defending Tokyo-3.
The Soviet people demand an apology for your mistake, and reparations for their
‘The Soviet government demands money from mine? You hypocrite! Let’s fight a
Second Russo-Japanese War and remind the world you Russians are weaklings,
cowards in the absense of a Kalashnikov crutch!’ The politician began, « Our
ambassador will meet with your president to… » A JSDF lieutenant opened the
door. « I’m conferring with the Soviet ambassador! You fucking warmongers are
not to disturb us, unless the world ends in the next five minutes! » Kazuya
The military officer didn’t fear the politician, but this emotion flooded the
room. « The world– our world may end in the next five minutes. » He put a file
on Kazuya’s desk. « The PLA is at full alert, its First and Second Marine
Brigades are mobilizing, Second Artillery Corps are selecting targets in
« Fuck! » Kazuya knew the latter controlled the PLA’s ballistic missiles.
« And the Chinese ambassador is demanding to know why the JSDF attacked a UN
facility– by extension, the US and Soviet servicemen there– apparently to
seize American and Soviet WMD. »
The ambassador frowned at the Japanese politician. « I’m surprised your nation
is so belligerent, it attacks the armed forces of two nuclear powers– including
a major ally and trading partner– and threatens a third. Didn’t the Japanese
people renounce war, hoping to avoid the death and destruction they inflicted on
others during World War II, Comrade Tsurumaki? »
The politician’s head lay upon the desk, too shocked to feel insulted. The US
dared not threaten a major ally with nuclear weapons. The Soviet Union dared
not use WMD against a US ally, for fear of starting a war with the US– of
starting a nuclear war– or so Kazuya hoped.
China wasn’t so reluctant to use WMD, as Pakistan learned « the hard way » in
2000. Like the US, China vetoed sanctions meant to punish Pakistan for
Islamabad’s support of Muslim extremists, and remained neutral when Pakistan
declared war on India in the 2nd Impact’s aftermath– until Beijing learned
Islamabad also supported Uyghur insurgents in the Chinese territory of Xinjiang.
When Pakistan was « punished for betraying its allies, » the PLA reportedly
inflicted more casualties than the Indian military ever would.
‘If the US withdraws its protection…’ « Maybe I should commit seppuku– on
live television, to save our nation, » Kazuya grimly joked. ‘My political career
is dead, anyways.’
« I doubt that will convince Beijing we acted on peaceful intentions. Hell,
it’ll seem more suspicious if you die, » the JSDF officer warned. « The Kwantung
Army invaded Manchuria despite Old Tokyo’s disapproval; instead of withdrawing
the invasion force and punishing its leaders, the Imperial government sent
reinforcements. If Beijing believes the JSDF overthrew the civilian government,
« Fuuuuck! » The politician’s head hammered the desk; the resulting headache was
nothing compared to his despair.
« So ‘death before dishonor’ is no longer an option. » The ambassador patted the
politician’s back. « You have my sympathy, Comrade Tsurumaki. »
End side story.