Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ Chapter 1

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„Tell me, Light, from the moment you were born, has there
ever been a point where you’ve actually told the truth? »
Silence, that was interrupted just by the raindrops, which were
falling into puddles on the roof and on our clothes. I was watching
them dripping off Ryuzaki’s hair. He was standing in a short
distance from me and I wanted to run away from him, from the truth
he said and from his reasoned accusations about me being the mass
killer Kira. At the same time I felt like wanting getting closer to
him, so close that I could squeeze him in my arms and shelter him
from the rain, which was mercilessly making his face wet. That face
with the most sincere expression I’ve ever seen on him. I felt his
emotions, as if they were conducted through the water in the air,
like an electricity. And I wanted to get even closer. Under his
skin, to his heart. What an absurd wish of one absurd man.
Despite my feelings, I knew it was important to answer his
question. My mouth wanted to say completely different words,
though. „What are you talking about,
Ryuzaki? »Â I want you. „Of course
I do lie, sometimes. »Â I love
you.
 „Everyone lies. »Â I love
you.
 „Who would ever live his life without
telling a single lie? It’s natural. »Â Please, don’t
die.

I have lied even now. There were other thoughts, things I wanted
him to know.
I couldn’t tell him. It was too late to do so.
He glared at me with a smile sad enough to make me want to scream.
I took a breath to told him the things I wanted, I really tried.
But I couldn’t.
„I thought you’d say that. » I could feel there were also
different words, hidden behind it. I knew they were there but I
couldn’t hear them. I wanted so bad to inquire if that’s all he
wanted to ask me. I almost did that. But before I gained the
courage, he told me we’re going back. And I missed the chance.
Again.
I missed everything I could have saved, again. And now he’s going
to die, he’ll leave me here with all the unspoken words as with the
worst punishment he could ever given to me. He would tell me I
deserve it. Yeah, probably. But that didn’t stop my desire. It
urged me, that as long as we’re here, in our world, where raindrops
are connecting us and making us the only existing beings, and as
long as he was slowly going away but wasn’t gone yet, I still had
the chance.
I ran after him and spontaneously, as thousand times practiced act
in my dreams, as the most natural thing, I steepled my hands
beneath those of his and pressed his wet back onto Kira’s chest. I
opened my mouth to tell him something, or even just whisper, but I
still didn’t know what to say. I even didn’t know how to justify
what I just did. I just wanted to hold him, save him from dying and
stay with him here, in our own world without L and without
Kira.
So I was expecting Ryuzaki to be the one who’d talk first. I was
expecting him to pull me away and ruin the moment with speech about
mass murderer and time which has expired. That was what I deserved.
That might be even what I wanted him to do. To hurt me so I would
live on with my justice, without any regrets and unfulfilled
desires. It seemed like young Yagami didn’t know, for the very
first time in his life, what he really wanted.
The drenched man I attacked wriggled out from me. But not to leave
quietly or to tell me with his usual phlegmatic tone that I should
pull myself together. He made me let go of him just so he would be
able to hug me back himself and destroy all my hopes about saving
my clear conscience. I didn’t know where the warm drops on my
cheeks were coming from, because all the raindrops were painfully
ice-cold until now. Finally, I managed to talk, to say one word,
that couldn’t save neither me or him. One word without meaning and
yet explaining all the emotions and thoughts I couldn’t express any
other way.
„Idiot. »
Ryuzaki then dug his fingers into my back, painfully enough to make
me squeeze him more, and gently enough to make me love him even
more. In this sole physical moment I realized it was wrong. Even
though I didn’t miss the last chance. It was wrong, because it
meant the end of everything we’ve been through and everything we
could never experience at the same time.
It meant I finally admitted to myself that this is the last
time.
„Kira. » He got me back.
The last time I’m Light Yagami.