Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Because I Don't Want to Be Alone ( Chapter 15 )
—
Asuka sits in the Entry Plug.
Text flashes across the screen: Denial Father Mother
She flinches.
Text flashes across the screen: Sympathy Pity Presumption
She is finding it very difficult to concentrate.
Text flashes across the screen: Insecurity Separation Evasion
Ritsuko (OFF RADIO) Can you hear me, Asuka? Your synch rate is down by eight points.
Text flashes across the screen: Reason for Existing Confidence Childhood Experiences
Ritsuko (OFF RADIO) As always, keep your mind off other things.
Asuka Im trying!
The girls locker room. Asuka and Rei are changing.
Asuka Ugh! She says its not my period but I know it is! This ones worse than usual!
A shoe is thrown against a locker.
Rei The Eva wont move unless you open your heart.
She adjusts the back of her dress.
Asuka Are you saying that my hearts closed?!
Rei and Asuka stare at each other.
Rei Yes, those Evas have souls.
Asuka Those puppets?
Rei You should know that.
Asuka turns away.
Asuka Of course. Youre probably happy I cant pilot right now. Its nothing to worry about. Homoboy can just hop into my Eva. Youre just a doll and you feel sorry for me because youre supposed to!
Rei I am not a doll.
Asuka Yes you are! You do everything youre told! By the Commander! By Misato! Even by stupid Shinji! What are you going to do if they dont order you around?
Rei doesnt answer.
Asuka Well, one day theyll stop, you know that right? One day thisll all be over and theyll abandon you!
Still nothing.
Asuka Youre just a doll. You barely even talk. I hate you for that!
She steps forward and strikes Rei.
Rei simply takes the abuse.
Asuka I hate you! I hate everyone!
She runs away.
Rei looks down.
Rei I… I wish he would.
(flashback) Kaworu gets out of Eva-02.
Asuka (MONO) Not needed at all.
(flashback) Kaworu gets out of Eva-02.
Asuka (MONO) How many years of training?
(flashback) Kaworu gets out of Eva-02.
Asuka (MONO) They dont need me at all.
Ritsuko and Misato eat together.
Ritsuko Asukas pride is in pieces.
Misato sighs.
Misato Its probably because she lost to Shinji…
Misato Even though Eva-01 is broken she still feels he looms larger. Maybe were at the limit.
Ritsuko Is this the end of your merry game of house?
Misato glares.
Misato I dont have to take that from someone who fills the hole in her life with a cat.
An awkward silence.
Misato looks down.
Misato Sorry… Im on edge…
Misatos family eats together in silence.
Asuka is scarfing down her food quickly.
Asuka Done!
She rises.
SE: phone
Asuka glares.
Asuka Probably one of your stupid boyfriends.
She picks it up.
Her eyes widen.
Asuka Stiefmutter?!
Shinji watches her talk.
Shinji (MONO) She sounds so happy in another language.
Despite this, Asuka looks torn between crying and screaming.
—
Text: Episode #15: Because I Dont Want to Be Alone
Nerv Pyramid.
Everyone is working peacefully.
SE: Alarm
Everyone looks up.
Ibuki The thirteenth Angel has been detected in orbit.
Ritsuko nods.
Ritsuko Whats it doing?
Hyuga Orbiting, nothing else… Its out of range.
Misato shakes her head angrily.
Misato No such thing. Ready the positron rifle.
Shinji watches the other pilots go to the Eva Cages.
He sighs.
Kensuke and Kaworu are also holding back.
Kensuke Its not so bad, Shinji. Youll get to pilot again sometime.
Asuka Synchro start.
The Entry Plug lights up.
Ritsuko Misato has decided the formation. Rei will take control of the gun.
Asuka (OFF RADIO) What?! But Im the better pilot!
A display of synch ratios.
Text: Rei: 30. Asuka: 10
Ritsuko (MONO) Her ratio collapsed so quickly…
Ritsuko No. Rei.
Asuka You have got to be joking! Eva-02! Launch!
Eva-02 rockets up the lift.
Misato Asuka!
Ritsuko shakes her head.
Ritsuko Its fine. Thisll be her last chance at the rate shes going.
Eva-02 prepares itself at the gun.
Asuka (OFF) This shouldnt be that hard.
Eva-03 is on the surface as well, standing well away from Eva-02.
Asuka (OFF) Dont worry Suzuhara. Thisll be over in a minute.
The two targeting reticules of the positron gun align.
The Angel floats in space. A small mask is between its two main wings.
Asuka pulls the trigger.
Eva-02 pulls the trigger.
The laser beam shoots up, but misses the Angel slightly.
Asuka Dammit!
The reticules begin to align again.
A beam of light emanates from space.
Asuka screams (OFF).
Eva-02 convulses.
It fires in several directions.
Asuka (OFF) Stop it!
Eva-03 charges forward and pulls at Eva-02.
Its fingers bounce away from the Eva.
Asuka (OFF) Youre hurting me!
Ritsuko Her mental circuits are being torn apart!
Asuka (OFF) Dont look inside my mind!
Ibuki The psychograph readings are growing weaker!
Ritsuko What about the LCL psychological barrier?
Asuka (OFF) Please! Don’t dig deeper into my heart!
Hyuga Its making no effect!
Toji (OFF) Someone do something!
Ibuki and Ritsuko exchange glances.
Ibuki What can we do?
Ritsuko I dont know.
Ikari watches, completely impassive.
—
Asuka (MONO) Shes a doll, but like all dolls, shes good at what she does.
Asuka glares up at Eva-02.
Asuka So, you’re finally back to normal after losing like that!
Eva-02 is motionless.
Asuka (OFF) You’re my puppet, so all you have to do is quietly do as I say!
Eva-00 takes Eva-02s knife as the Angel falls from the sky.
Asuka (OFF) Why does a weapon need a soul anyway?! It only gets in the way!
Asuka hits Rei.
Asuka (OFF) Anyway, all you have to do is obey my orders.
Asuka continues berating Eva-02.
Asuka This is so stupid.
The memory shatters.
Text: Attachment behavior
A new memory forms.
Asuka hangs up the phone.
Shinji You sure talked for a long time.
Asuka rounds on him, but takes a deep breath and tries to smile.
Asuka Well, it’s our usual bit of communication.
Shinji smiles back.
Shinji It must be nice to have a family to talk to.
The ramen place, Asuka and Shinji are waiting outside for everyone else.
Shinji Earlier today, he said good job.
Asuka smiles at Shinji.
Asuka (OFF) Well, just in appearance. It’s only on the surface.
The apartment.
Asuka She’s not my real mother anyway.
A younger Asuka, seething.
Asuka But it’s not like I hate her. I just don’t deal with her well.
The modern Asuka begins to seethe as well.
Asuka Why the hell am I telling you all this?!
Shinji Sorry.
Shinji (ECHO) Sorry. One echo for each time he apologized.
Asuka It’s all over if even you start sympathizing with me!
The memory shatters.
Text: Hostility
A new memory forms.
A train station.
Asuka fiddles with her phone.
Something catches her eye.
Shinji is on the other platform.
Asuka His Evangelion is broken, and now hes back to his usual thing. Whats with him?
Rei is standing next to him.
Asukas eyes narrow.
Asuka Fine, so Ive lost.
The back of Reis head.
Asuka Youre just a…
SE: train
Shinji gives Rei soup.
Asuka watches.
Shinji and Rei talk.
Asuka watches.
Shinji SMILES at Rei.
Asuka watches.
The memory shatters.
Text: Emptiness
Nothing new forms.
Asuka stands in the void.
Text: Who are you?
Asukas body, Reis voice Hi! Im Asuka, one of Evas pilots!
You idiot!
This is my chance!
Look at me!
Asuka No! This isnt me!
Asukas body, Misatos voice Hi! Im Asuka, one of Evas pilots!
You idiot!
This is my chance!
Look at me!
Asuka No! This isnt me!
Asukas body, Hikaris voice Hi! Im Asuka, one of Evas pilots!
You idiot!
This is my chance!
Look at me!
Asuka No! This isnt me!
Asukas body, Ibukis voice Hi! Im Asuka, one of Evas pilots!
You idiot!
This is my chance!
Look at me!
Asuka No! This isnt me!
Asukas body, Ritsukos voice Hi! Im Asuka, one of Evas pilots!
You idiot!
This is my chance!
Look at me!
Asuka No! This isnt me!
Text: Doll?
Rei and Asuka both salute.
Text Slut?
Misato and Asuka tease Shinji.
Text Wallflower?
Hikari and Asuka stare longingly at the boys they like.
Text Nerd?
Asuka and Ibuki look at a Magi terminal.
Text Heartless?
Ritsuko and Asuka both smile to themselves as Shinji looks down.
Asuka No! Listen to me! Thats not me!
Text: Then who are you?
Text: Useless?
Both Eva-01 and Eva-02 after their first encounter with the Eighth Angel, legs sticking out of the ground.
Text: or something else?
Asuka glares at Shinji.
Asuka cant answer.
Asuka Stop! Please stop!
—
A memory forms.
The fleet of boats sails through the sea.
Asuka stands by the rails, looking down.
Asuka I wonder what the oceans were like before Second Impact.
She sighs.
Beside her are a small picnic blanket and a basket.
She sits down on the blanket.
The basket.
Asuka pulls it open.
She pulls out a beer can.
She sighs and drinks.
Asuka The worst part of going to Japan will be seeing Misato again…
Two more Asukas are looking in, slightly unreal, one around four years.
Asuka (young) So why do you hate her?
Asuka 2 I dont.
She looks away.
Asuka 2 Do we really have to be here?
Kaworu approaches.
Several empty cans lie by the basket.
Asuka looks at him.
Kaworu smiles.
Kaworu Second Child. It is nice to see you.
Asuka Yeah…
Kaworu looks down at the cans.
Kaworu Should you be drinking that?
Asuka shrugs.
Asuka What are you doing here?
Kaworu It was suggested that I should get close to the pilots, in order to… facilitate bonds… or something.
Asuka looks at him.
Kaworu (OFF) I dont see the point. Teenagers are uninteresting, and immature.
Asuka What?!
Kaworu Yes, even you.
Asuka Im not immature!
Kaworu All teens are.
Asuka Except you?
He nods.
Asuka What makes you so mature then?
Kaworu just grins.
Asuka And Im still mature! I can do anything an adult can do! I went to college!
Kaworu What does that prove? That doesnt mean you can be like an adult.
Asuka I can! See?
She leans in and kisses him.
He pulls away from her, glaring.
Kaworu I am uninterested.
He stands and walks away.
The memory shatters.
Text: Insecurity
A memory forms.
Asuka walks along train tracks.
Asuka Leaving tomorrow?
She turns around and walks backward.
Asuka I dont want to go…
The train station is strangely empty.
Asuka But its not like theres anything here.
Shadows build up behind Asuka.
She walks, unaware.
The memory around her decays slowly, washing out and shadows appearing out of nowhere.
Finally, she turns around again.
The shadows turn red.
Asukas eyes widen.
A humanoid shape forms in the shadows and reaches out.
Asuka Help! Someone please help me!
Shinji.
Asuka (OFF) What are you doing here?
Asuka sitting defeated on the other side of the door. Episode 10.
Asuka (OFF) You dont do anything!
Eva-01 and Eva-02 move in perfect unison.
Asuka (OFF) You wont help me!
Shinji and Asuka kiss. Episode 12.
Asuka (OFF) You wont even hold me!
Asuka No one will! No one! No one! NO ONE!
EYECATCH
—
Text: Neon Genesis Evangelion: Episode: 15: Memories
Asuka fidgets at a desk.
Everyone at every other desk is in shadow.
The teacher is too.
He is teaching complicated physics. All non-mathematics is in German.
SE: bell
All students rise.
They form in groups.
And more groups.
Asuka sits alone.
No one notices her at all.
The memory shatters.
Text: Oblivion
A memory forms.
An apartment building. More spacious than the one in Tokyo-3.
A slightly younger Asuka.
Asuka Misato-san, why are you leaving?
A slightly younger Misato.
She smiles at Asuka.
Misato Im just going to Japan. Well meet up again someday.
Asuka Im not done you know. Youre leaving now.
Her suitcase, packed.
Misato (OFF) I got reassigned. I cant change things.
A picture of Misato, shortly after rediscovery.
Misato (OFF) Besides, itll give me a chance to find out some things.
Asuka But you cant leave!
She clings to Misato, who hides the picture from her.
Asuka I wont let you!
Misato Asuka its not your decision.
Asuka Ill tell the people at Nerv-03 to change things! Im the pilot!
Misato looks away.
Asuka They have to listen to me!
Misato Asuka, Im sorry.
The memory shatters.
Text: Dependence
A memory forms.
Asuka (real) Why am I crying? I already decided I wouldn’t cry anymore.
A younger Asuka sobs.
Father (OFF) What’s the matter, Asuka?
A doll, its stuffing torn out.
It’s a present from your new mom. Don’t you like it?
Asuka (fake? real? subconscious?) It’s okay.
Father (fake? real? subconscious?) What’s okay?
Asukas father and stepmother. Again in shadow.
Asuka (REAL) I’m not a child! I’m going to grow up quickly.
The young Asuka sobs.
Asuka (REAL) I don’t need stuffed animals.
The memory shatters.
Text: Confidence
A memory forms.
A tombstone.
Text: Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu. (plus dates of birth and death)
Asuka isnt crying.
Her grandmother looks down at her.
Grandmother You’re such a good girl, Asuka.
Asuka glares at the tombstone.
Grandmother (OFF) It’s okay, you don’t have to hold it in, you know?
She shakes her head.
Asuka It’s okay. I’m not going to cry.
The tombstone.
Asuka (OFF) Im going to think for myself.
The memory shatters.
Text: Childhood experiences
—
Child Asuka is listening in through a door.
Man (OFF) The hypothetical became reality. The proponent became the test subject.
The slightest hint of someone through the crack of the door.
Woman Then, that contact experiment was the direct cause?
Man (OFF) Mental breakdown was the result of contact.
Asuka is confused.
Woman (OFF) How cruel to commit suicide, leaving a daughter so young behind.
Man (OFF) I think theres more to it than that.
Asuka glares through the door.
The memory shatters.
Text: Shadow
A memory forms.
Child Asuka is running down a street.
Asuka Momma!
A door opens.
Child Asuka runs down the street.
Asuka Momma! I got selected!
A door opens.
The hint of a shadow.
Child Asuka runs down the street.
Asuka Momma! They picked me!
A door opens.
A silhouette?
Child Asuka runs down the street.
Asuka Im going to be a pilot!
A door opens.
A hanging silhouette.
Child Asuka runs down the street.
Asuka Im going to be the best in the world!
The door is already open.
Features of Asukas mother are discernable.
Child Asuka runs down the street.
Asuka Now you have to notice me!
The door is already open.
Features of the room around are visible.
Child Asuka runs down the street.
Asuka Did you hear me Momma?
The door is already open.
Silhouettes of other people are visible.
They are muttering in disapproval.
Child Asuka runs down the street.
Asuka Momma?
The door is already open.
Asukas father doesnt seem the least bit upset.
Child Asuka isnt running anymore.
Asuka M… momma?
The door is already open.
A doll that looks like Asuka has been hung as well.
The memory shatters.
Text: I am not a doll!
A new memory forms.
Asukas mother holds the doll.
Mother Asuka, dear, your mom cooked your favorite dish today.
She glares at it when it doesnt move.
Mother Come on, if you’re picky about your food,
Child Asuka watches, her eyes red with crying.
Mother …that big girl over there is going to laugh at you.
Doctor (OFF) She goes on like that every day.
The lady doctor and Asukas father in silhouette.
Doctor She talks to the doll, thinking it’s her daughter.
Father She probably feels responsible in her own way.
Asuka keeps watching her mother.
Father (OFF) Her research filled her days and she had no time to pay attention to our daughter.
Doctor (OFF) You have my sympathies.
Father But the way she is, they’re practically a family of dolls.
The doll.
Father (OFF) No, perhaps humans and dolls are not so different.
Doctor (OFF) Humans made dolls in their own image.
Doctor If God exists, we may be nothing more than dolls to Him.
Father I’m surprised to hear such words from a practitioner of modern medicine.
They lean in.
Asuka covers her ears.
Doctor I’m just another human before I’m a doctor, a flesh and blood woman.
The sounds of kissing.
Asuka is running away.
But the sounds are still there.
The two silhouettes have become a grotesque beast with two backs.
And no matter how hard she runs, Asuka cant get away.
The memory shatters.
Text: I hate you so much!
A new memory forms.
Grass blows in the wind.
Asuka is running around.
Mother laughs (OFF).
Asukas mother, beautiful.
Mother Careful Asuka. You dont want to mess up your dress.
A picnic blanket is spread.
Mother and daughter sit next to each other.
Asuka hugs her mother.
Mother I love you, Asuka.
The memory shatters.
Real Asuka is looking down.
Text: Youll never see her again.
Asuka Stop.
Text: She died and she didnt even know who you were.
The entry plug.
Asuka Its violating my mind…
Nerv.
Asuka (OFF RADIO) Someone please help me!
—
Shinji is putting on his plugsuit.
Kaworu They wont let you pilot.
Shinji Someone has to! Why havent they launched Ayanami?!
Kensuke looks miserable.
Kaworu, for his credit, is not smiling.
Another scream from Asuka is heard over the intercom.
Shinji jumps into the Entry Plug.
Shinji Manual start.
The HQ.
Ibuki (OFF) Eva-01 has begun to be activated!
Ritsuko Idiot. Shut that down.
Ibukis fingers over a keyboard.
Shinji (OFF RADIO) Please! Someone has to do something!
Ibuki hesitates.
Ikari rises.
Ikari Shinji, this isnt the time.
Shinji in the plug.
Shinji Why arent we doing anything, father?!
Misato is overlooking some graphs.
Misato Shes going to die if we dont do something, Commander.
Ikari hesitates.
Then he slowly nods.
Ikari Understood.
Rei sits in the Entry Plug.
Ikaris glasses are in their usual position.
Ikari (OFF RADIO) Rei?
Rei Sir?
Ikari You know what to do?
Rei nods.
Rei Yes, sir.
She shudders.
Eva-00 steps off the launch pad.
Shinji What?! Ayanami? Where are you going?
Rei says nothing.
Eva-00 steps onto an apparently broken launch pad.
The floor beneath it begins to lower, Eva-00 sinks away.
Misato and Hyuga exchange glances.
Hyuga Where is she going?
Misato looks up at Ikari.
Misato Is she obtaining that lance?
Fuyutsuki, nervous.
Misato (OFF) I thought we needed that to keep the Angel in check!
Ikari says nothing.
Misato (MONO) That was a lie then.
Eva-00 is in the LCL Production Plant
Rei hesitates.
Asuka, still audible over the radio, screams again.
Reis hand clenches around the controls.
Eva-00 reaches out for the lance.
Its hand wraps around it.
The head of the Second Angel swings to face Eva-00.
Electricity begins arcing around it.
Asuka screams again. (OFF RADIO)
Rei does too.
Electricity (or is it really?) arcs along the lance as Eva-00 pulls at it.
Electricity turns the LCL of the Entry Plug from orange to red.
Reis hand pulls desperately at the lance.
Rei I… wont…
A flash of a black moon against the sun.
An image of a crash into the Earth.
A white moon rising.
Rei No…
Both the Second Angel and Eva-00 are hidden behind electric arcs.
The mask of the Second Angel.
Three of the seven eyes of God have lit up.
Rei has become blurred.
A mouth forms in Liliths features.
Unintelligible sounds are made, and then
Lilith Do you want to become one with me?
Reis eyes, dull and lifeless, like a doll.
Lilith Become one with me.
Eva-00 is struggling.
But Rei is no longer holding the controls.
Four eyes are lit.
Lilith Give in.
Rei collapses against the chair.
Rei Please… let me save her…
Lilith (OFF? MONO? WHAT?) Come home.
—
A train moves through a red void.
Above it float the Angel…
…and a rotting Eva-02.
The tracks form as the train moves.
SE: Train
Interior of the train.
One Rei on one side, two on the other.
Rei 3 You want to save her?
In the window behind her, Eva-02 is visible.
As she speaks, its armor falls off.
Asuka is underneath.
Rei 2 nods.
Rei 1 is motionless.
Rei 3 All you have to do is become one with me.
Rei 2 No.
Asuka spasms in the red sky.
Rei 3 (OFF) Then you cant save her.
Rei 3 But if you become one with me, you can do anything.
She raises her arm.
The thirteenth Angel disappears.
Asuka is fine.
Rei 3 I wont let you go.
Rei 2 Please.
Rei 3 shakes her head.
Rei 2 lunges at Rei 3.
Rei 2 I wont. I want-
Oblivion.
Eva-00 pulls away from Lilith, spear in hand.
Asuka lies in the Entry Plug, weeping.
She is clawing at her eyes.
Asuka No, not her!
Flashes of images, all unidentifiable.
Asuka Id rather die!
Rei and Shinji at the train station.
Asuka Shes just a doll!
The doll, hanging on a noose.
Asuka A doll!
Child Asuka.
The doll.
Both overlap.
Text: Die, then
Asuka I wont… I wont let you kill me…
A rope, hanging.
Asukas hand reaches to grab the end.
Asuka Id rather die…
Text: Just like her mother…
Suicide
Dont talk to me!
I hate you!
You never help me!
Youre worthless!
You dont do anything.
Whats the point?
Look at me!
Why dont you notice me?
Im the best!
I pilot so people will know how great I am!
Ill show you how its done!
Youre not good enough.
Just a doll…
I hate dolls!
Want to kiss me?
Stupid!
Idiot!
I wish youd die!
…I wish Id die…
…
Failure
Insane
Worthless
Suicide
Just like mother.
She begins to wrap the rope around neck.
Eva-00 arrives at the surface, holding the lance.
The Nerv crew is shocked by the weapon.
Eva-00 begins to run down the street.
It throws the lance.
It rockets out of the upper atmosphere.
The Angel floats in space, disquietingly serene.
The lance comes close.
An AT-Field activates.
The lances prongs begin to shine.
The lance spins around and around, becoming a blur.
The AT-Field spins with it.
A close up of the point where the Angels wings meet.
A mask and a core.
The lance glows hot white.
The AT Field collapses.
One prong stabs the mask, the other the core.
The thirteenth Angel explodes into blood.
The lance continues on.
Hyuga The lance is moving into a lunar orbit.
Aoba Probability of recovery is 0.
Ikari grins.
Misato is deeply relieved.
Misato (MONO) Weve saved her.
Caution tape.
Asuka is lying on the ground, surrounded by tape.
Shinji looks in at her.
Shinji Asuka?
A close up of her face.
Her left eye is bleeding.
Shinji looks away.
Misato is there too.
She looks down.
Misato Im sorry, Asuka.
Asuka has been moved to a hospital bed.
She is carted into a room and placed next to a girl.
Dozens of unconscious people lie in that room.
—
Text: Next Time
Misato embraces an unknown man.
Misato (OFF) Misatos life feels even emptier,
Gendo scratches at one of his hands.
Misato (OFF) Nerv is falling apart,
Eva-00 holds the 2nd Angel to the cross.
Misato (OFF) and the other pilots, like Rei
Toji stands over a bed.
Misato (OFF) and Toji have issues of their own to handle…
Asuka, her eyes empty and lifeless.
Misato (OFF) Next Time: She Longed for the Touch of Another.